THE FARMWIVES OF ALBERTA
by Doris Daley
Everybody’s different, diversity rules the day
Still I slap my head in wonder at the Housewives of LA.
They’re bosomy and botoxed, voluptuous of hip
And I can’t understand why anybody gives a rip.
They’re brassy and they’re bossy, over-glitzed, uber noisy
And please don’t get me started on the Housewives of New Joisy.
A spree at Nieman Marcus and they’re rolling the clover,
Cleavage like the 23 Psalm: their cups runneth over.
They hurl diamond crusted insults with a practiced, deadly aim
Jealousy and jewelry are their biggest claims to fame.
They dress themselves in Gucci just to buy a happy meal
Though to be clear, the chauffeur is the one who’s at the wheel.
Flirting with a jailbird sugar daddy millionaire
And here’s my biggest question: Why does anybody care?
If you want me as a viewer, scrap those superficial wives
And point your TV camera at the gals who have real lives.
Farmwives tough as tigers, ranch wives strong and brown
And the ones I know the best: the real farmwives of my home town.
When I was just a baby, when TV was still a dream
These farmwives got together just to laugh and let off steam.
Tough and smart and funny, and steady as she goes
And they never shopped at Tiffany’s or wore designer clothes.
They could drive a tractor, fix a fence, load and bale and stack
Then bake six rhubarb pies with one hand tied behind their back.
They had soirees, they had setbacks, skies of grey and skies of blue
And these Farmwives of Alberta always got each other through.
They buried husbands, buried kids, shared laughter and shared tears
They’ve been there for each other for over 60 years.
So when it comes to housewives, you can keep your bling and brass
It’s to farm and ranch wives everywhere I raise my fluted glass.
But ‘specially to the women who you won’t see on TV:
My mom and all her farm pals who still inspire me.
© Doris Daley
This poem should not be reposted or reprinted without the author’s permission
Canadian wordsmith, performer, and emcee Doris Daley is widely appreciated throughout the cowboy poetry and Western music world. Top cowboy poet Waddie Mitchell has said, “If cowboy poetry was fresh milk and the cream that rises to the top was the very best, then Doris Daley would be very rich and very fattening.”
In coming weeks, find Doris Daley at the Texas Cowboy Poetry Gathering in Alpine, March 2-3, 2018. Friday night headliners include Jay Snider, Doug Figgs, Ryan Fritz, Deanna McCall, and Michael Stevens. Saturday night headliners are Gary Allegretto, Ross Knox, Gary Robertson, Trinity Seely, and Caitlyn Taussig. Poets and musicians include Apache Adams, Amy Hale Auker, Floyd Beard, “Straw” Berry, Mike Blakely, Teresa Burleson, Dale Burson, Don Cadden, Bob Campbell, Craig Carter, Cowboy Celtic, Allan Chapman & Rodeo Kate, Doris Daley, Mikki Daniel, John Davis, Kevin Davis, Ray Fitzgerald, Rolf Flake, Pipp Gillette, Jeff Gore, Kristyn Harris, Andy Hedges, Don Hedgpeth, Carol Heuchan, Yvonne Hollenbeck, Randy Huston, Chris Isaacs, Jill Jones & Three Hands High, Jim Jones, Linda Kirkpatrick, Daron Little, Pat Meade, Glenn Moreland, Terry Nash, Joel Nelson, Sam Noble, Kay Nowell, Jean Prescott, Gary Prescott, Mike Querner, Luke Reed, Randy Rieman, Heather Watson & Nathan Schmidt, R.P. Smith, Gail Steiger, Rod Taylor, Doug Tolleson, Keith Ward, Washtub Jerry, and Jim Wilson. Find more at texascowboypoetry.com.
After Alpine, Doris is headed to British Columbia’s 22nd Annual Kamloops Cowboy Festival, March 15th – 18th, 2018. Performers include Abe Zacharias, Alan Moberg, Ben Crane, Bj Smith, Brian Salmond, Bryn Thiessen, Butch Falk, Carol Heuchan, Chris Isaacs, Doc Mehl, Doris Daley, Ed Peekeekoot, Gary Prescott, Gary Fjellgaard, Gordie West, Hugh McLennan, Jason Ruscheinsky, Jim McLennan, Louis “Big Rig” McIvor, Mag Mawhinney, Mike Dygert, Notable Exceptions, Ryan & Hoss Fritz, and Tom Cole. Find more about the many activities at the event at www.bcchs.com.
photo of Doris Daley by Mikeala MacKenzie, mikaelamackenzie.com.